My Dream

I had a terrible night last night. I was crying when I tried to go to bed because I am so freaked out about my retrieval now being ONE DAY from my family's visit. The family doesn't know about the donation, and this is WAY too close for comfort. I am also terrified that they will try to push it off another day. I *can't* do the retrieval Friday, and while I know it is 99.9% sure that it won't get pushed off, what a mess that would be. I'm going to make it very clear to them today that it will NOT be possible on Friday.

Anyway, I dreamt that I was watching TV and my recipient family was on there being interviewed. They said "Well we were ready to get the eggs on Wednesday, but now we've pushed it back to Thursday. We might even do it Friday." And the interviewer goes "Well why would they keep pushing it back like that" and the woman responds "There is something wrong with her estrogen levels. Frankly, the doctors think she might be intentionally sabotaging the cycle because she doesn't want to do it." My dreaming self was mortified that the clinic would think that I would intentionally do anything to ruin a cycle. I kept wondering how my estrogen could be low and that maybe I had been using the gonal-f pen wrong the whole time.

Then, starting at 4:20, I woke up about every 20 minutes. By 7:30 I was staying awake for 10 minutes at a time. So at 8am I gave up. This is SO unlike me to be up at this hour. I feel very surreal.