I talked to hundreds of people...
Tertia did a post for me about my situation.
The comments were very supportive coming from both sides. Of course, the negative ones are a bit hard to take. A number of people said I should have thought more about this before agreeing. The thing is, I had been considering doing another donation. I was struggling with it because of all the reasons that make me so reluctant now, but I had been considering it in the abstract. When the clinic called, I had two impulses. First was that I had been considering it, so I could probably handle it. The second was that I basically had no right to deny these people a full genetic sibling to their first child. If the clinic hadn't mentioned that part of it when we talked, I probably would have said no. Even going into this with some reservations, I had no idea my reaction would be so strong after agreeing. Even as I debated the posibility of another donation in my head, I never thought I would have this kind of anxiety.
I think toward the end of the last donation, I realized a few things. First, I am really terrified that my family will find out about this. I can see it ruining a relationship there. This is my decision, not their business, and I feel fine keeping it from them. I just want it kept. The other much stronger problem is that one of these children/parents might try to track me down. My anonymity in this process is the absolute most important thing to me. Just the fact that there are some documented records out there that could reveal this information is awful to think about.
So I still don't know what I'm going to do, but I guess I'd better hurry up and make a decision.
E.D. @ 8:02 AM
9 Comments:
your poor thing. You need to call them back and say hey look, im not emotionally ready. Can you call them when you are?
You sound like you need to concentrate on you right now. Seems like you have a lot emotionally on your plate. Work on you for awhile.. I really dont think you should do this right now. I am infertile and know disappointment but I think you need to put your sanity first!!
dawn in ky
reading your post just hits the nail on the head with me. i'm in a similar situation...ive donated once before and now ive been asked to donate two more times for two different couples. this is coming not even 3 months after my first cycle. i already agreed to one couple and am supposed to be flying out next week for an appt but i have not signed anything legal yet and i dont think im ready. i thought i would be fie the second time around but it seems that i have even more anxiety now because im doing more research on the medications and finding out things that dont make me any more comfortable.
another thing is that im very private as well and have only told my sister about the cycles but i dont want any one else to know about it at all and i know my family and my boyfriend would not react well to it. i think im going to call to cancel tomorrow but i feel so bad and its hard to refuse that money because i pay for school by myself.
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