Processes

I read a few blogs (Tertia's So Close and Julie's A Little Pregnant) written by women who, until very very recently, were going through infertility treatments. Julie's in particular covers 4 or 5 years, 4 IVFs, and the resulting pregnancy that ended with the birth of Charlie after Thanksgiving. Much the same idea for Tertia who gave birth to twins just a couple weeks ago.

Their blogs have, up until now, related to mine in that they detailed processes. A blog about IVF and pregnancy is easy in a way. It's a process with fixed steps. There are lots of little goals along the way that allow you to track your progress to a defined big goal at the end (egg retrieval, egg transfer, pregnancy, birth). I wonder about their blogs now. They are both amazing writers and I'm sure the content will continue to be greatly entertaining and of high quality. At the same time, I think that there is just not as much literary quality to writing about raising a child. It's not that this is not interesting, but it's not a process in the same way. There are a million little milestones along the way, but they don't mean the same thing. "Today was Stim Day 7" tells so much more about the state of things than "Today, Ricky had his first taste of bananas". These goals just aren't as critical as the steps in IVF and pregnancy. The big goal at the end is also really vague if it exists at all. What is the goal? Raising a happy child? Perhaps, but the endpoint is really unclear, and the steps are also not well defined.

Again, I don't mean to say it is not interesting or challenging or a fascinating process to raise a child. I am, however, an intensely goal oriented person. I need my life divided into well defined goals with clear end points and definite steps that can be established along the way. Child rearing does not fit cleanly into that life paradigm for me and, from that perspective, it is a less interesting process to follow along. You can't blame this on the fact that I'm not a parent. I feel the same way about, say, marriage. I AM married and I know there are so many events that define its path and that it is an interesting and exciting and wonderful part of life. BUT, because there is not some end goal, I am less interested in following a tracking of that aspect of a person's life.

That also is why there aren't many posts here except for the ones related to the steps in my egg donation cycles. I actually do have blogs about other parts of my life and each blog is dedicated to a different process I'm going through. I suppose this isn't particularly profound, but it seemed somehow relevant to this blog.

Then again, maybe I need to go spend some time in that process of going to sleep.