Egg Donation

Backed Out

2007-06-26T07:36:00.000-07:00

I emailed the clinic last Thursday, after reading all the comments from Tertia's blog. I very apologetically told them basically the same thing I told you. I said I had agreed so quickly because I really cared about the recipients and their desire to have a family, but after a week of considering it and being full of anxiety, I knew that I was mentally and physically incapable of enduring another cycle. I said I really struggled to decide this, that I knew it would cause a lot of heartache, but I felt that I should back out.

They didn't contact me for 4 days. Then today, they called. They talked to the recipient family this morning. The recipients said that it was perfectly ok to back out, that it was a long shot anyway, that I was a wonderful human being, that every day they thought of the wonderful gift I'd given them, and that having an only child was perfectly ok.

I cried with relief. I would have been relieved to not do this cycle no matter what, but knowing that I hadn't completely crushed a family I've never met but still care about makes me feel much better. As of today, my profile has been officially retired at the clinic, so I won't be getting myself into a situation like this again.

So I'm retired. That's great. This is a dramatic close to an important part of my life.

I talked to hundreds of people...

2007-06-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

Tertia did a post for me about my situation.

The comments were very supportive coming from both sides. Of course, the negative ones are a bit hard to take. A number of people said I should have thought more about this before agreeing. The thing is, I had been considering doing another donation. I was struggling with it because of all the reasons that make me so reluctant now, but I had been considering it in the abstract. When the clinic called, I had two impulses. First was that I had been considering it, so I could probably handle it. The second was that I basically had no right to deny these people a full genetic sibling to their first child. If the clinic hadn't mentioned that part of it when we talked, I probably would have said no. Even going into this with some reservations, I had no idea my reaction would be so strong after agreeing. Even as I debated the posibility of another donation in my head, I never thought I would have this kind of anxiety.

I think toward the end of the last donation, I realized a few things. First, I am really terrified that my family will find out about this. I can see it ruining a relationship there. This is my decision, not their business, and I feel fine keeping it from them. I just want it kept. The other much stronger problem is that one of these children/parents might try to track me down. My anonymity in this process is the absolute most important thing to me. Just the fact that there are some documented records out there that could reveal this information is awful to think about.

So I still don't know what I'm going to do, but I guess I'd better hurry up and make a decision.

Very very stressed

2007-06-19T06:45:00.000-07:00

The fertility center called last week and asked me to do another donation. I would have said no right off - I am very busy with work, I need to run to keep my sanity, and after the weeks of sobbing with the last one, I know that it will really mess me up. My ex husband who was so supportive is also not here now, so I'll be completely on my own.

But the couple are people who were recipients previously. Their FET failed and they want another donation to have a sibling of the child they had from my first donation. I felt like I couldn't say no to that.

Every time I think about this cycle, I am seized with anxiety. A deep physical reaction. Everything in me is screaming "no, not again" except for this sense of moral obligation. The cycle is scheduled for October. I just don't know what to do.

Introduction

2007-04-12T20:28:00.000-07:00

Donor #12543

age: 28
height: 5'9"
weight: 130 lbs
build: athletic
hair: brown
eyes: green
race: caucasion
religion: catholic (not practicing)
ethnic background: Italian / Irish / American Mutt
intelligence: superior
education: doctoral degree
marital status: married
children: none

successful egg donations: 6
children I have helped other families have: approx. 10-15

So was my profile after my last egg donation, a process that ran from April 2003 to October 2005. For those two and a half years, donating was a big part of my life. It was immensely rewarding, but also emotional and stressful. It was a constant as I went through a doctoral program, a marraige, and a struggle to establish my life.

The Book

2007-04-12T20:11:00.000-07:00

I've decided to take some next steps toward writing this book. It will be a bit of a side project, since I know publishing that type of book will be a challenge. In any case, I'm going to start posting a bit more here with little attempts at sections that might go in there.

I want it to be funny and insightful. I'd like it to answer all the questions that people ask me through email. If there is something you'd like to see, let me know. If you don't like something I post, please please say so. We'll see how this goes.

New Look

2006-06-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

This is the same old egg donor website, with a new look. I hope you all like it!

To Cass: On Hyperstimulation

2006-05-27T16:20:00.000-07:00

Cass posted a comment a couple posts down. Since she didn't leave an email address, I want to make sure she sees this reply:

Hi, Cass,

Yes - you have Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS). This happened to me on my first cycle, too. You can read about it on an earlier post: http://eggdonor.blogspot.com/2004/09/2-days-post-retrieval-about.html.

Your clinic should have had you come in and they should be checking you frequently. When this happened to me, I had to go in every day.

There isn't a lot they can do unless it gets REALLY bad and then you go to the hospital. What you can do is to intake a LOT of salt. I literally was drinking grainy salt water, eating rice swimming in soy sauce, etc. That helped it go away. All together, I gained 17 pounds in 3 days and it took about 2 weeks for me to go back to normal.

I was so scared. I cried and completely freaked out. I know how scary this must be for you.

Try the salt and what your clinic recommends. If it gets to the point where normal breathing hurts or is difficult (that's how it was for me), insist that they bring you in and do an abdominal sonogram to see if it's getting worse. If you need to just talk about it or if you have questions, email me at eggdonor@gmail.com.

Offtopic - Word Cloud

2006-02-19T22:07:00.000-08:00

I made this word cloud from this blog. I think it's pretty cool:

I like that "wtf" is one of the bigger words on there :)

You can make one, too.

Thinking about writing a book

2006-02-16T19:29:00.000-08:00

I've received a lot of requests to do interviews based on this blog. Some are for documentaries, some for articles, and some for radio/tv. I've also had a lot of great feedback about the blog, and it's made me consider writing a book.

I've written a couple books, but they were textbooks so it's different.

My hesitation is that I'm not really sure what the point would be. Should I approach this as a memoir type thing? If so, I don't know if it would work because there isn't really a conflict or a climax, or even a good ending. I could write about the life conflicts and the path from starting to this break I'm taking, but I'm not convinced that it's compelling. Would I write it as an informational book? If so, I hesitate because I'm not a medical doctor and it's not like there is a large lay-audience who are egg donors (as opposed to, say, infertile couples doing IVF).

What do you all think? Do you think there is even an audience for this sort of thing?

Things to Enjoy

2006-02-14T00:26:00.000-08:00

There are some things I really enjoy about the donation process, aside from the whole gratification of helping people and such.

I really like the retrieval. I usually don't go to bed before 4am, but I love getting up all early when it's dark out and driving to the clinic on the Beltway with no traffic. I love stopping at the drugstore before I get to the clinic to buy a card for my recipients and to browse around when no one is there and nothing else is open. I love getting TO the clinic when the first staff members are arriving - it makes them seem so much more human.

Those little footies with the treads on them are surprisingly warm, too. The blanket they put on me in the operating room is nice and warm. I feel very secure strapped in. I adore the anesthetic. I love that feeling of drifting off to sleep with nothing on my mind, and waking up from it. I love the ginger ale that they give me when I'm in recovery.

I love sleeping on the drive home, druggedly making my way up to collapse in bed, and sleeping until 2 in the afternoon. I adore the big sandwich I always make for myself when I get up because I'm starving and it's so good.

I realize this all makes me very odd indeed. "Oh sure," says the Egg Donor, "I love elective surgery."

However, I am currently enjoying the lack of shots, my normal sized ovaries, the 2 days periods thanks to my fabulous new birth control (Mircett - I highly recommend it), and no migraines during my week off the b/c (also thanks to the special estrogen pills you take on the off week with Mircett). I am REALLY enjoying the intense running and traveling I can do without any restrictions on my schedule.

But I do - I miss the retrievals. We'll see how things work out toward the summer to do another one.

My Doctor did IVF

2006-02-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

Quite unfortunately, I developed yet another UTI last week. I bopped over to an urgent care clinic to get some antibiotics for it, and a week later I wasn't sure that I was totally over it. I haven't seen a regular GP doctor for years since I spent so much time at the fertility clinic. I was lucky enough to find one affiliated with Johns Hopkins who is close and was able to fit me in quickly.

I had been hoping for a female doctor, but the guy I got was great. He was really funny, didn't talk down to me, and generally did all the other nice things doctors do. When I was giving him my history and I mentioned the cycles, he was quite interested. I started explaining that I was taking a break because I'd done six or seven in a row, and started to tell him the process of each one. I know doctors are educated medical people, but I've been to many who don't understand what you do as an egg donor. He stopped me, though, and said "I know. We went through infertility." At first I was mortified, thinking that he thought I was talking down to him about something he learned in his second year of med school. However, he clarified that he and his wife had gone through infertility treatments, though they didn't use donor eggs.

We had a nice chat about the process. His wife, by the way, is a machine. I think he said she produced like 28 eggs during her IVF! I guess they can stimulate you more if you're getting your own eggs, since you're taking the risk for yourself. Anyway, I thought it was quite cool to have someone to talk to who had gone through the process and who could speak intelligently about it medically (not just "I had a kid that way").

This doctor is a keeper. I hope I don't have to actually go in for anything, but when that inevitably comes about, I won't mind so much.

Movie Time 3: Invasion of the Sperm

2005-12-20T16:43:00.000-08:00

Well, this is a bit weak to call an "invasion", but here is a sperm (the tiny squiggly guy in the needle) being injected into an egg. Then, depending on your definition, VIOLA! A Zygote! A Potential Baby!

Movie Time 2: Pomegranates

2005-12-12T15:32:00.000-08:00

During an interview, I explained that my ovaries feel kind of like pomegranates right before a retrieval. They feel that big, and they feel that full of juicy little pouches. Below are a couple cool clips of using pomegranates to represent my big ovaries:

Without Medical Diagram Overlay

With Medical Diagram Overlay

It's Movie Time: Sonogram

2005-12-10T10:03:00.000-08:00

Cat Ashworth, creator of the documentary Beating the Biological Clock sent me some clips from her film. This month, I'll be sharing some of those with you. Movies are in Quicktime format.

To start, here is a clip of my last sonogram before the retrieval. Check out all those giant follicles! What they are doing here is measuring the dimensions of each follicle. Once they are big enough, the retrieval comes.

Click here for the movie

Conflicts and Evolution

2005-11-24T07:35:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this isn't strictly an egg donation post, but you all can appreciate what I'm saying.

When I was a kid, I used to get urinary tract infections (UTIs) all the time. They were really severe and I had one almost once a month. Eventually I had surgery that fixed the problem. However, I remain acutely aware of all the symptoms and problems. Last Thursday I started feeling a little weird and I knew one was coming on. So on Sunday, when I was at my parents' house, I finally admitted I had one and went to the clinic out here. They were very nice and gave me a prescription for 5 days of antibiotics.

Antibiotics for me mean two things: 1) the infection gets cured and 2) I get a yeast infection. So my nether regions are a mess. I also tried to pretend the yeast infection didn't exist until yesterday when I broke down and got a one day treatment.

I hate these because the ointment eventually leaks out and schmears all over everything. So last night before I put it in, I was desperately looking for some sort of maxi pad or panty liner at my parents' house. My mom was asleep so her bathroom, the obvious choice, was not accessible. I couldn't find anything anywhere. Eventually, I just had to bite the bullet, so to speak.

When I woke up, thankfully, I hadn't leaked all over my underwear. I went to the bathroom, wiped off what was waiting to leak out, and went for a run. There was quite a mess from that when I got back, so I showered, changed, and had an advantageous moment to run into mom's bathroom. There, I found some pads.

Let's talk about pads for a minute. I get the skinniest ultra super megathin pads that exist. They are hardly different from a panty liner, and that's how it should be. I marvel at whatever scientific advances allow for these wonderful, thin products to be absorbent and effective. What a difference from the three-quarter-inch thick slabs of cotton and paper that I had to use in Jr. High and High School. Did the really thin ones exist then? I don't think so...I only discovered them in college. I just assumed that every woman had come over to the glory of the super ultra micro thin pads and that the thick ones available at the stores were...hmm...left overs or for weird hickish women who fear change or maybe for use in other tasks (kitchen clean up or something). So imagine my horror at finding half a package of these nightmares in my mom's linen closet - exaggerated by the fact that I had to actually use one.

Horay for the evolution of feminine hygiene products.

Boo for my dueling infections.

Horay for modern medicine that lets me fix them both at once.

And here's a thanksgiving toast to healthy nether regions.

Birth Control

2005-11-11T21:13:00.000-08:00

I'm definitely going with this donation time off. I'm thinking about alternatives to the pill I'm on now. It gives me headaches when I come off. I had considered the Mirena IUD after seeing it mentioned on Tertia and Julie's blogs. However, the comments scared me away enough, especially since it's supposed to be more painful if you haven't ever had kids.

So I'm thinking about Seasonale, the pill where you only get a period once every 3 months. Have any of you tried this? I don't have a problem remembering my pill every day, and the act of taking the pill makes me feel like I have a little more control over everything.

Opinions? Input?

p.s. thanks to all of you for calming me down over the period thing. It made me feel so much better (your comments...not the tissue...)

WTF is THAT?! Tissue?!

2005-10-30T12:59:00.000-08:00

I need help/advice.

Warning: details follow.

Oh, man. So late last night I my period started. This is the first one since the retrieval, so it's usually pretty nasty. It was just a bit of bleeding last night. Today was really the first day.

Here's the freak out: I was in the bathroom and I looked down and on my pad was a piece of tissue. Literally, I looked at it and went "oh my god". So I had to examine it. It wasn't a clot - I do get clots, especially after a retrieval, and I know what those are. This had some blood on it, but it was skin like.

So some googling around suggests that this was normal endometrial tissue and that These Things Happen and that I Shouldn't Be Alarmed. Has anyone had this happen to them? It freaks me out to have fleshy parts of my inside ending up outside....

Post-Retrieval

2005-10-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted much since the retrieval because things were busy. I started running again after about a week (I know, I know. I should have waited 10 days at least). The 2-3lbs of water weight went away after about 3 days.

Thursday was 2 weeks-post retrieval. I can still feel some things in there, and I need to keep reminding myself that I'm still recovering.

The only down side - the last birth control pill of this pack will be Wednesday. I'm running a race on Sunday, which should be right in the middle of the first-period-after-retrieval carnage. This happened last year, too, and I almost had to cut a race short.

In other news, Cat Ashworth said she will send some videos of the sonogram and such for me to post on my blog (I need to email her back - I just found that message and saw I never responded). So that should be fun and interesting.

Done

2005-10-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

I should have posted earlier. The retrieval is done and it went well. The anesthesiologist took care of me, and I didn't have any problems after retrieval. I was even able to go to class Thursday evening.

Now, about 5 days later, my innards are still swollen and sore, but I can feel them getting better. I have other things to post, but will do that soon. V. busy now...

FINALLY

2005-10-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

I told them today "I don't care what your tests show. I'm taking that damned shot tonight and showing up for a retrieval on Thursday whether you want me or not!"

But the threats (serious as they were) turned out to be unnecessary. When I got the call, I quickly took the phone off the hook so they couldn't call and change their minds and that shot went in right at 8:30 tonight.

Good news is that my favorite doctor will be doing the retrieval, and he has also said he'd talk to the anesthesiologist. He was pissed when he found out how hard the recovery was last time. He will be a good guy to have on my side.

An interesting note: my eye is twitching and has been for a week. I don't have eye twitches. The only other time this happened was right before I defended my dissertation. That was, coincidentally, also right before a retrieval. It could be that I have a bunch of stress now like I did then (and I'm always doing a cycle, so it's not shocking that they match up), but I wonder if the twitch is actually a side effect of the lupron or the stims...

My Dream

2005-10-04T05:35:00.000-07:00

I had a terrible night last night. I was crying when I tried to go to bed because I am so freaked out about my retrieval now being ONE DAY from my family's visit. The family doesn't know about the donation, and this is WAY too close for comfort. I am also terrified that they will try to push it off another day. I *can't* do the retrieval Friday, and while I know it is 99.9% sure that it won't get pushed off, what a mess that would be. I'm going to make it very clear to them today that it will NOT be possible on Friday.

Anyway, I dreamt that I was watching TV and my recipient family was on there being interviewed. They said "Well we were ready to get the eggs on Wednesday, but now we've pushed it back to Thursday. We might even do it Friday." And the interviewer goes "Well why would they keep pushing it back like that" and the woman responds "There is something wrong with her estrogen levels. Frankly, the doctors think she might be intentionally sabotaging the cycle because she doesn't want to do it." My dreaming self was mortified that the clinic would think that I would intentionally do anything to ruin a cycle. I kept wondering how my estrogen could be low and that maybe I had been using the gonal-f pen wrong the whole time.

Then, starting at 4:20, I woke up about every 20 minutes. By 7:30 I was staying awake for 10 minutes at a time. So at 8am I gave up. This is SO unlike me to be up at this hour. I feel very surreal.

stupid estrogen

2005-10-03T18:12:00.000-07:00

I had SIX GIANT FOLLICLES today and was all set to take my gonadotropin at 8:30 tonight and when I got home I had a message that said no, not tonight. NOT TONIGHT?!!? I HAVE SIX GIANT FOLLICLES!! That's FOUR MORE than I need. The only thing that can be going on is that my estrogen levels were wrong.

I sobbed and sobbed. I am so tired of this and my life and schedule just keeps getting more difficult as they put this off. > : []

Miscalculation

2005-10-01T16:12:00.000-07:00

Somewhere I miscalculated. My retrieval definitely won't be Tuesday. Wednesday should be the day. This is a hell of a lot less convenient, but oh well. Today's sonogram went well. More details tomorrow.

Racing along

2005-09-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

I can sort of feel the ovaries now. This is my 5th day of stims (though I haven't taken the 5th shot yet). My sonogram today was fine, though I had to get a cervical culture. That sucked. I'd do 10 sonograms before I'd do one of those.

I asked if I could run today and they said no, but it probably would be ok but we would say no and you shouldn't. So I took that as a "we can't tell you that you should because there is a bit of a risk, but really you'll probably be fine". So I'm going. This will certainly be my last run until like 10 days post-retrieval (if i can wait that long).

They did say that I have lots of follicles, so yay me.

The end is near

2005-09-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

News from the clinic today that the recipients who are lined up for the donation that was to follow this one are not going to continue. I don't know if they got pregnant, don't have the money, or what, but the reality is that the cycle is cancelled. That means next week, I'll have the harvest on Tuesday, and then I'm done.

I'm relieved. Of course, there was no way I would have pulled out of the cycle I was picked for. But I will be so glad to have this finished. I feel like I'm getting my body back.

Stims are going well. I'm really tired, but I don't think it has anything to do with that - It's probably just dealing with the divorce and all the other issues in my life. The pen-inject-into-repronex worked well today. That should mean smooth sailing for the rest of this week.

It's not rocket science. It's IVF.

2005-09-25T10:37:00.000-07:00

Today is stims day 1. They decided to switch things up on me and now i have this giant gonal-f pen. It has 900 "units" and this weird dial on the end. I'm supposed to set the dial to 150, then turn another dial to 150, put the needle in, and then push the second dial to dispense the medicine. Sounds easy enough.

Clearly, I'm not thinking straight.

I got the set-to-150 part right. I inserted the needle end, and pushed. One little click happened. So I pulled it out and was like "That's it??! That can't be it!" What I should have done at this point was to poke myself again and push harder on that second dial to make sure it was all the way depressed. Instead, I wanted to see exactly how much 150 actually was. So I turned the second dial back up to 150 (where was it to start? I didn't look. I'm clearly not thinking straight). Well it clicked four times when I squirted this out into my hand. So I had deduced that I didn't get a full dose. However, in my haste I neglected all the sensible things to do, so I actually had no idea how much I had taken. So I thought a bit and figured, well, I got one click the first time, and there should have been 4 clicks, so I'll turn it back to 150, do 3 clicks, and then I'll have about the right amount. So that's what I did. Was that right? I have no idea. But I can't double dose on this stuff. Hopefully it's approximately correct and over the next 3 days I'll get it right and no harm will be done.

I've also decided that this pen crap is for the birds. First, it means I get TWO shots - one from the pen, and another of the repronex/lupron combo. So tomorrow, I'm going to do the lupron water drawup, inject that into the powdered repronex, and then take the damned pen, turn it to the right place, and inject all of that into the repronex, too. That way, it's all mixed together, and I can just draw it up into one shot. It will prevent the problems of today, and it will also make me a less pissed off person from double sticking.

Stupid pen.

-------------------

There is better news, though. The clinic asked me today if I would be interested in a part time position with them answering questions about IVF for potential patients. It would basically be phone calls and emails detailing the process and what to expect. This is awesome. I already do a lot of that, anyway, via this blog. It will be fun to have it as a job, and to have contact with more people. There are still details to be worked out, but I'm looking forward to this.

Taking a break

2005-09-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm in the midst of a donation cycle right now. Retrieval will be October 4th. I have another one scheduled to follow immediately after that, probably with a retrieval in early December. After that, I need a break.

I had a couple months of no retrieval this summer, but by the time this is done in december I will have been doing egg donations basically non-stop for 2 years. It's starting to get trying.

It is not the clinic - I love them dearly. They are one of the most supportive groups of people I know. I miss them when I'm not down there.

It's certainly not a moral thing. I love the thought of all these people having babies and the fact that I can help them.

It's partially a practical thing. Since I'm getting divorced, the logistics are a bit harder. My husband is taking me to this retrieval, and probably the one after that (thank god we still get along well enough to do these things for each other). But we have very separate lives at this point, and I cannot rely on him to drop everything because I have a retrieval, let alone if I feel like crap the next day and need to be driven somewhere. Those were things he would have done at the drop of a hat before - and I love him for that - but he has his own life now that is a lot harder to interrupt for me.

But mostly, it's just a burnout thing. I'm very tired of worrying about OHSS. I had it the first time, and it really fucked up my life for a while. I know the chance is small that it will happen again, but the possibility and planning for how I will handle it if it happens is wearing on me. More than that, I am very tired of adjusting my life for almost a month around the retrieval. I can handle the shots, but I hate having to stop running. If you're not a runner like me, this might not make sense. I go to bed thinking about when I can run the next day; how far I'm going to go; if I can maybe fit in two runs; if I will go down to the trails or if I will stay around my house; etc. It is the highlight of my day to get out and run. On top of that, I love running the marathons and half marathons, and I miss one for basically every egg cycle. I'm missing one in a couple weeks because of this retrieval. I missed one in the spring. I missed one last fall. There are easily 4 big races, and half a dozen small ones that I would have run if I hadn't been stimulating or recovering post-retrieval. What makes it worse is that I WANT to run, and I feel fine running at those times, but the danger of twisting an ovary is big enough that I'm just not allowed. That means I am miserable for two or three weeks around each retrieval because I can't do the one thing I want.

I'm tired of the birth control pills. I feel so much better when I'm off them. I'm tired of wondering about getting puffy with water weight around the retrieval. I'm tired of having this part of my life that I can't discuss with my family and that I have to work to keep them from knowing about. I'm tired of driving an hour each way to the clinic for every appointment. I'm tired of having to get up 3 or 4 hours earlier than my normal time to make the appointments. I'm REALLY tired of them getting bumped from 10am to 7:30am on Sundays because someone decided that was a better time.

In short, I'm burnt out. I'm at the point where the only thing that makes me consider doing another one is the money, and that's bad. I don't do this for the money, though it is really useful. I don't want it to be about the money, but I'm about at that point. So I need to stop.

Lupron, and pills done

2005-09-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

So I've slacked in posting, but you all know the drill at this point. I took my last birth control pill on Monday, and I've been on lupron for about a week. All is well. It's all easy for now; stims start sunday.

All's Clear

2005-08-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

Sonogram this morning went well. Everything looks fine and I start my birth control pills today. Tentative retrieval date is October 5th, but probably I will go on the 4th. Last time was the only time I didn't trigger a day early and I'm sure that's because I was taking my shots at 2 or 3am instead of the middle evening (it was dissertation writing time, after all). This time, I'm going to make sure we go early by taking them earlier in the day. I have people coming on the 6th, so going a day LATE is not an option. The 5th will be ok, but the 4th, which is what I expect, will be even better. That will give me a full day to recover if I feel crappy like I did last time.

I'm just good. Period.

2005-08-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

Ok. So nay two hours after my last post, my period started. Tomorrow I'll be heading in for the sonogram.

This is good. I'm going to the beach next weekend, and it would have ruined everything to have my period then. I don't do tampons. At all. Every couple years I reconsider, buy a pack, and try it. The feeling of that thing up there gives me exactly the same feeling as nails on a chalkboard. Dry cotton rubbing on my internals. Ick. I'm giving myself the willies just thinking about it. SO, beach weekend is saved. YAY!

Examining my schedule, I could have a retrieval on October 5th or 6th. It couldn't be over the weekend after that because I have people coming in to visit. If the 5th or 6th won't work, I'm going to request a start of the stims on the 6th (so no sonograms over the weekend), and then a retrieval on the 15th or 16th. I should have a schedule tomorrow, and that will be great.

Documentary

2005-08-28T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have had the pleasure of interacting with Cat Ashworth as she makes her documentary film, Beating the Biological Clock. It is about women who choose to get pregnant through egg donation, and it follows three of them through the process.

She sent me a link to her website (http://beatingthebiologicalclock.com). Among the clips on this page is a look at one of the doctors at my clinic, Dr. Z. This is your first look at just one of the many men who have seen me naked.

p.s. Still waiting on my period to get started on this donation. I have looooong cycles off the pill, and haven't been off it enough since high school to know whether they are regular or not. I'm feeling the twinges that suggest maybe today - update soon.

The Babies

2005-08-07T22:01:00.000-07:00

I have done 6 donations so far. Assuming the average 27% rate of multiples, there should be about 8 babies. So I've put together this photo montage.

Dating and Donating?

2005-08-05T16:18:00.000-07:00

First off, thank you all for your supportive comments on the last post. It's always nice for people to wish your ex's penis to fall off :)

I have no plans to date for quite a while. I'm very happy not dating. I am very happy to be by myself, not worrying about accommodating anyone else for any reason. But looking to the future, like the next year or so, I assume there will be dating. I don't envision 12 months of celibacy.

I wonder about how the egg donation thing comes up. It's obviuosly not a necessary first date topic, but at what point should that be introduced? Once they start coming to the house, the syringes all over the place would probably look suspicious. Even if well hidden, the frequent doctor visits and whining about puffy ovaries would give it away eventually. My intuition is that it would just naturally come up before the point where it would affect sex or anything. I am curious about the average male response. My husband was supportive and in favor of it, though he didn't really show any interest in the details (I go "Honey, I have two follicles that are 37, and one of them is like a cucumber - it's like 27 X 5!" and he goes "Oh.").

Any insight into what I should expect?

Two(2) More

2005-08-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

When the phone rings at my house at 9:30 in the morning, there are two possibilities:

1) Someone is about to incur my wrath for waking me up, or
2) I've been picked for another donation cycle

Today was one of those #2 days, AND I wasn't just picked for one cycle. I was picked for two. I'll do one, take a month of birth control, and then go into the second. Ah...just like the old days. I have absolutely loved these few months with no birth control pills, but I have also missed the people at the clinic and the whole process. Plus, what glories this will do for my newly independent housefund.

Newly independent housefund, you ask? Yes. I was thinking about posting about this, but held off because I don't think I had the energy. I'm getting divorced. My husband moved out last weekend, and the divorce will be finalized in a couple months. Sort of ironically, the main reason for the divorce is chidren: he wants them, I don't. We had agreed *well* before we got married that we weren't going to have kids. Then last week he tells me that he SAID he didn't want to have kids hoping that I would eventually become "more human" and want them. Fucker. I have tried to keep the whole thing as amicable as possible, and he will probably still be driving me to the office for the actual retrieval, but the whole thing is messed up. My totally uneducated guess is that there are probably 8 children out there that came about from my eggs (maybe more), and yet I'm getting divorced about the same thing*.

In any case, I now have my very own house fund (though diminished by half), and these egg donations will do a lot to make that better. SO, the status is that my last period was June 25th, I'll probably have my next around August 30th (I have long cycles), and then start in. That also means more regular posts are in the not-too-distant future :)

*Note: I think this is one of his main reasons, but I really just think he also wanted his own, independent life with no one to answer to. So I count this kid issue as a big reason, but not the only one.

My Clinic

2005-07-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

I've been a total slacker about posting lately, but that's because I'm off birth control and just waiting for the next cycle to go ahead. However, Joy left a comment that I thought I'd respond to here.

I look at some of the ads that show up over on the side there ----> (click on the, btw - i get like $0.05!) and I noticed that some of them were for agencies and lawyers and such. This was a bit of a surprise to me because I am with a clinic rather than an agency. My clinic (Washington Fertility Center, who also has the occasional ad over there) is fabulous.

The way they work it is work is to have us go through the screening and then put us up for browsing. You can search profiles of donors on their website and there is also a big book at the clinic. Patients at the clinic pick donors from this pool. I love the system. I am with the same doctors all the time, and I like knowing that the recipients are coming in and dealing with the same people I'm seeing. Also, because everything goes on under one roof, there are no legal problems. The clinic handles everything, so there is really nowhere intermediate parties become involved. The contract I sign and the recipients sign is very clear about the total anonymity, and the clinic goes to great pains to preserve that. As I mentioned before, they move us into closed rooms on the morning of retrievals just to make sure we don't accidentally run into the recipients that morning.

How about you, dear readers? Are you with clinics or agencies? How do you like them?

Yay for Congress

2005-05-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

I generally try to avoid politics. As a liberal in America, caring about what is happening only leads to a profound and deep rage. I used to know every detail of politics and policy. Now, for my own mental health, I keep only a general watch of what's going on. This comes mainly from NPR; I catch All Things Considered about 3 or 4 times a week. That with the CNN headlines is my news fix.

But shockingly, I need to applaud the Congress. I know, I know. Don't worry - I haven't turned into a crazy radical right winger. I'm pleased at them for passing the stem cell bill despite Bush's threatened veto.

Now, I'm all for the embryo donation programs (couples get frozen embryos from other couples who won't use them). I think it's great, and if embryos from the eggs I donated went toward that, I'd be pleased. I'd be equally happy (maybe happier), though, to have them be donated to into the stem cell lines for research. If that were to happen, I would be helping a lot more people.

Perhaps Bush has been mercifully spared knowledge of the world of fertility treatments. Perhaps he doesn't realize that there are a lot of embryos out there, all waiting to be used that would otherwise be destroyed. Or, more realistically, his religious beliefs have him so committed to ignoring laws and science that he doesn't care.

In any case, I think it is fantastic that we will come back fro the scary no-federal-funding place and start using these leftover embryos for research that can truly revolutionize medicine. It makes me happy to see congress stand up to the President (and to see some logic from the Republicans), both as a scientist and as an egg donor.

Recipients

2005-05-26T22:51:00.000-07:00

The families who get my eggs are five big mysteries to me. Seven big mysteries if you count the two families who are waiting in line to get them later this summer.

At our clinic, everything is kept totally secret. I don't get to know *anything* about the recipients. I never even get to find out if they get pregnant from the donation. When I had my psych screening, they asked about how I thought of this donation. I think of egg donation a lot like I think of bone marrow donation. It's sort of a process to go through, and it's something you do to help the recipient. I don't think of the resulting children as mine, any more than I'd think of a bone marrow recipient as my clone (I know it's different, but we're talking about how I consider it, not the biology of it).

That said, I really really would like to know if the recipient of my eggs gets pregnant. I have so much sympathy for them, and I'm rooting for them, but I never get to know how things turned out. It's like rooting for your favorite baseball team in a game, but never being allowed to see who won.

When I go in for the actual donation, they actually hide me and my escorting husband away in a room. When we're ready to leave, they quickly usher us out so we don't run into the recipient accidentally while we're there.

The only contact I've ever had with a family is an anonymous exchange of cards through the egg coordinator. I gave them a congratulations card (to be delivered if they got pregnant). They gave me an REI gift card as an extra thank you for donating.

I think my recipients must be getting pregnant, though. Apparently, when choosing a donor, one of the big things to look for are previous pregnancies resulting from that person's donated eggs. I think part of the high demand for me must be 1) the big pile of eggs I produce and 2) the fact that they lead to pregnancy. If that's true, there should be at least 2 children out there that have come from my donation. It makes me so happy to think of those two families who worked and struggled so long to finally have their kids. And it's really rewarding to know that I did something to help them get there.

I'm Free!!

2005-05-17T13:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a very irritating day for me. There were a lot of irritating things PLUS this background headache I've had for a full week because of the stupid birth control pills. So I woke up at 6:15 this morning. That's like the middle of the night for me, as I usually do to bed around 2 or 3 am. I woke up and started having an argument in my head with the clinic about the birth control pills.

I don't just talk to myself. I have ARGUMENTS.

As the previous post indicates, I'm picked for a shared cycle, but there isn't a second recipient yet. Basically, I'm on standby until that person shows up and picks me, and then the two families get their cycles all worked out to be ahead of mine. I was thinking, "that could take MONTHS! I don't want to be on birth control with 1/4 of my life all miserable from the headache, not to mention all the other effects that I'm probably used to by now because I've been on this stuff for so long. I'M TAKING A STAND!! NO MORE PILLS! NO MORE PILLS!"

So I readied myself for a fight and headed down to the clinic. The fact that I was in a fighting mood attests to how bad yesterday was. There is never a need to fight with the wonderful people at my clinic.

When I got there, they showed me into the "conference" room (cushy red chairs, fancy antique tables, etc.) instead of the exam room. The donor coordinator came in and apologized for not calling me. I didn't need to come in today, since I wasn't going into a cycle. And, she said, "I thought maybe you wanted the birth control pills, but I don't know why you would take them unless you need to. These things will make you crazy."

So much for needing to fight. I didn't even have to bring it up.

So HORAY!! I'm now free for months from taking those goddam things. I envision a happy, stress-free time, where I lose 10 pounds and am nicer to my husband. It really wasn't until just this week that I realized how much they were affecting me. It's not enough to stop me from donating, but I certainly won't be sorry when my future is totally free from any more of those pills.

I am lame

2005-05-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

That is, I should check my voicemail more often. For some reason, my clinic doesn't even call me at home anymore. They just go right to my cell phone. I actually have TWO cell phones, and they call the old one. That goes directly to voicemail, and I don't check it enough.

As a result, it was a week after the message was left that I found out my cycle was cancelled.

Then, today, after posting my previous message, I checked again and found that on Tuesday, I had actually been picked for another cycle. Go figure.

So it is more birth control, more sonograms, etc. I'll have news next week after my latest sonogram.

Off, yet again

2005-05-13T08:18:00.000-07:00

I got a call that my recipient has low iron levels, and thus my latest donation has been cancelled. I'm up to be picked again, but at the moment I'm uncommitted. This makes me wonder about the birth control thing. I have to be on them while I'm in a cycle, but I hate them. The clinic gives me Desogen which works well, but I get terrible headaches when I come off of it for the 7 days in each cycle. I'd like to just go without it until I'm picked again. My husband had a vasectomy (we REALLY don't want kids), so I don't need it for anything.

I think I'll stay off of them. Hopefully the clinic won't object.

It's weird - my first 4 donations went off without a delay. These last two have been pushed back again and again. At least it's not my body rebelling.

Drugs and sex toys

2005-05-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

I just *have* to respond to a couple comments...

1) About recovering after the retrieval: I'm a big non-pill person. I hate them; even when I had my breast reduction surgery I didn't take any pain killers. However, that does not mean that you who love (or at least tolerate) pills must suffer like me! I've been offered all sorts of narcotics and other fun in prescription form to take home and make the post-retrieval day more comfortable. I think of the street value of all the drugs I've turned down and shudder and the lost cash.*

2) The wand ABSOLUTELY looks like a vibrator. I was going to Photoshop an image, but LOOK AT THIS!!! It looks like a scary spiky pink version of the transducer! (I included a link in case you'd like to buy it)

3)Aibee is also G&D for linking to my blog :)

*just kidding. seriously.

Deciding to Donate

2005-05-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

Sue followed up my last post with a question about when and how I decided to become a donor (Sue is, as Tertia would say, G&D because she is the only person I know who links to my blog :) ).

The idea was planted when I was an undergraduate, probably about 7 or 8 years ago. I went to a very prestigious college and there would occasionally be adds in the student paper looking for egg donors. They specified everything - height, weight, hair color, eye color, SAT scores, religion, etc - and offered lots of money (sometimes up to $20,000). I thought about it at the time, but I was very uninformed. I somehow was under the impression that the process required taking vaginal temperatures, monitoring mucus levels, followed by some sort of surgery that required like a week in the hospital. I have no idea how that got in my head, but someone put it there - I wouldn't come up with such craziness on my own. That really seemed inconvenient and unpleasant to me, so I didn't have a very strong interest.

After finishing college, I moved out here to the East Coast for graduate school. One night the thought kind of popped into my head again, and I was curious to get on WebMD and check out what was involved in the process. The internet existed when I was in college, but it was a lot smaller and the great information sources that are around now weren't then. So I got online and did some searching. I found out my impression was way off, so I moved on to looking at websites of clinics in the area that took egg donors. I found my clinic online (Washington Fertility Center) and they had a lot of information, plus an online pre-screening form. I filled that out (along with forms from other clinics). WFC emailed me the next day, and the donation coordinator was so nice. They sent me the big background packet, and within a couple weeks I went in for a visit.

I met the donation coordinator in person then. She is one of the sweetest and nicest people in the whole world. She really sat me down and explained all of the steps of the process. It rid me of any of my mis-impressions right then.

I had pretty much decided to go ahead with donating, but it was reaffirmed as I went through the tests. My first sonogram showed a couple cysts on my left ovary. The doctors were great. They gave me a new b/c Rx, and kept me coming back for 3 or 4 months until all the cysts had resolved. At that point, I hadn't even donated, but they were all so kind and supportive. It made me feel very welcome and taken care of and safe.

Frankly, when a half-dozen strangers are probing around my girl parts with a 12" wand, they had *better* make me feel comfortable.

Sex Life

2005-04-25T18:58:00.000-07:00

An anonymous person responded to the last post and asked about sex life with donation. That's a great question, so I thought I'd do a post on it.

Basically, during a cycle you need to use a condom because you're on stimulating medications that make you VERY likely to get pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy, so we're both lucky that we don't need to worry about it. As for comfort, I generally don't like having sex in the week surrounding the retrieval because your ovaries are big and it's kind of uncomfortable. We have done it, and if it's very slow it's not too bad. Once things get vigorous, I feel my puffy ovaries getting banged around a lot more than I feel anything else, so we generally pass for that week. I guess it depends on you and how you feel. The important thing is that (according to my doctor) it's totally fine to have sex at any time as long as you use a condom from the time you start the cycle, until your first period AFTER the cycle - about 6 weeks.

Please post other questions if you have them. I'm happy to share my knowledge!

Leftovers

2005-04-23T12:31:00.000-07:00

Earlier in the week, I went into the clinic for the sonogram that was following up my last donation and clearing me to begin the 6th donation cycle. Unfortunately, my ovaries are still big, and I have three cysts on the left side. That means 2-3 more weeks of birth control before starting the next cycle.

Frankly, I think this is because we had to go to 10 days of stims on the last cycle. If I had take my shots a few hours earlier, I would have gone the 9 days that I'd had on every previous cycle, and I would have responded better. I'll be shooting up at 6pm this time, so I don't have to deal with this again.

A different perspective on IVF

2005-04-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a lot of comments on people's blogs. Women state that they are in their 2nd, 3rd, and sometimes even 4th IVF cycle. They talk about the pain, the discomfort, etc. I am on my 6th IVF cycle, doing most of the things that they do, and I am looking forward to it. Of course, mine are always successful, since they always get lots of eggs. I'm healthy, and respond to the medications in the textbook manner. The real difference is the hope and disappointment and emotional issues that go along with having IVF to have a baby. It's not that the process is so bad by itself. Mildly annoying, certainly, but not life alteringly painful. I can only imagine how emotionally difficult it must be, though, when you are trying to have a child and it is not working. That would compound the discomfort into a major problem.

In any case, I keep it to myself. "Hi, I'm Egg Donor and I'm *totally* looking forward to my 6th IVF cycle!" That's probably not the wisest comment to make in a room full of infertile women.

Flowers

2005-04-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

I passed my dissertation defense last Friday (with flying colors). The upcoming event had been a frequent topic of discussion during my sonograms last cycle, so I emailed them to share the good news. I woke up to a congratulatory email on monday morning, and came home from work to find a flower delivery sitting on my doorstep. From the clinic. How amazingly nice that my fertility clinic sends me flowers to celebrate my Ph.D.

Another order of eggs, coming up!

2005-04-02T21:27:00.000-08:00

Well, I stayed in bed Wednesday of my retrieval basically until Sunday. I got up on Saturday to go get lunch and was exhausted after being out only a couple hours. I came home and just slept.

I'm not sure at this point how much of this had to do with the retrieval and how much was other stuff. As I've mentioned, I had my dissertation defense this week. Most people talk about how they fall sick and basically crash for a month after their defense. I think I may have had a poor reaction to the anesthetic, and that triggered a pre-dissertation defense crash. I haven't slept regularly for almost 3 months as I wrote my dissertation, and honestly I think the 5 straight days of sleep did me well. I honestly did sleep almost the entire time I was down. When I finally got up and around on Monday, I felt great. The discomfort from the retrieval was gone (though really, it wasn't any worse or longer than usual) and I felt very refreshed.

I also passed my dissertation defense, so I'm now Dr. Egg Donor.

The day before my defense, the clinic called to let me know I had been picked for a 6th donation cycle. I'll continue with the birth control pack I started after the last retrieval, have a sonogram on day 2 of my period, and then go into the pills and shots for the next retrieval that will be about June 1st.

Hungry

2005-03-25T19:05:00.000-08:00

It's weird, but I'm always so so hungry for like a week after retrieval. I'll eat a full meal and then be hungry again in just a few hours.

On the brighter side, I was able to get up today. I still feel beat up, but I can move. It's getting better.

groan

2005-03-24T20:41:00.000-08:00

Oh, MAN. Usually I'm up and about by the evening of my retrieval, but not this time. The day began badly. The drive that usually take 45 minutes to the clinic took OVER TWO AND A HALF HOURS. I arrived 40 minutes after my scheduled retrieval time. This was very bad, and they actually started the procedure before I was even asleep. They still managed to get 15 follicles, though, so all turned out ok.

On the drive home I felt surprisingly alert. Still, I went to bed when I got here and went to sleep. When I woke up, DAMN was I sick. Going to the bathroom was excruciating just from the pressure on my ovaries. I was, and still am, nauseas, dizzy, and light headed. I literally almost passed on as I got up for a drink. I've been in bed, sleeping, and groaning for about 40 hours. I don't know what happened down there, but I feel so so bad. :(

Idea for a country song

2005-03-22T09:01:00.001-08:00

Sure, country music has traditionally committed itself to topics like divorce, beer, trucks, dead skunks, and runaway dogs/wives, but the overriding theme of misery allows for forays into other topics. I'd like to suggest injection site reaction be added to the list.

(sung to the tune of the chorus of "Know when to hold 'em" by Kenny Rogers)
Injection site is swollen!
Gonadatropin!
Gotta take some eggs away
To make an oven bun!

You never count your zygotes
When they've got you on the table!
There'll be time enough for countin'
When retrieval's done!

Your follicles are SO BIG....

2005-03-21T10:29:00.000-08:00

...that they beep when I back up?
...that they have their own zip code?

They definitely are big. There were about 10 of them over 34 today, including 2 or 3 over 40! Because there are not a lot of people in the office today, I got to record my own numbers on the chart while she sonogrammed. There are only 12 spaces to record follicle size. We filled that on the left (and then stopped, beause, really, why bother?) and went over by 3 on the right because there were just so many big ones.

I bet if I'd taken that shot a couple hours earlier on Saturday night, I would have triggered last night instead of today. Oh well. I hope these nice big follicles bring forth lots of ripe good eggs for my recipient. After the 3 D&Cs and other problems I don't know about, she deserves a smooth transfer with beautiful, healthy embryos.

A Haiku to my Eggs

2005-03-20T22:58:00.000-08:00

Puffy Ovaries
Full of Giant Follicles
Spring Fertility

Damn you, follicles!

2005-03-20T07:49:00.000-08:00

This is my 5th retrieval, and on the last 4 I've always triggered on day 9. So here is day 9 and I only have one follicle with an average diameter of 17, meaning there's most likely one more day to go. This sucks. That means a Wednesday retrieval. I have to work on Wednesday night, no getting out of it. I am pretty sure the LAST thing I'm going to want to do after the retrieval is go to work and be on my feet for 3 hours. But I can't call in sick. It also means more car troubles. Both of our cars are acting up, and I get panicky every time I have to drive. Just the fact that we both need to take our broken cars out tomorrow makes me upset. The thought of my DH driving his very broken car, instead of my less broken car, combined with me driving my less broken car, has me physically upset. I know this is how IVF goes, and in the larger picture this is not a big deal, but I'm at a point outside of the clinic that has me tremendously stressed, and I'd just like things to go smootly with SOMETHING in my life.

With the way things are going, I'm going to end up hyperstimulated and my defense will be messed up.

Grow! Grow!

2005-03-16T12:43:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to feel those ovaries down there. It was quite dramatic this morning, as I lay in bed. Now that I'm up and about, I don't feel too much. Sonogram and blood work this morning were good. I've got tomorrow off from the probe, and then daily visits to the clinic.

Oh baby...I'm so....stimulated!

2005-03-15T00:09:00.000-08:00

I saw my favorite doctor at the clinic last weekend. He counted about 25 follicles and everything is good. However, he did point out that I had scraped my knees. I was teetering my way to my car on 4 inch heels with 25 student reports in binders a couple weeks ago, and the curb and I got into a fight...the curb won. I fell *hard*. My Kate Spade bag with my poor Apple PowerBook flew out onto the sidewalk, the students' projects scattered, and I made this big loud "Oooof!" noise as the air flew out of me. Some nice guy across the street almost came over to help me until I waived him off. The bag, the computer, and the reports were all fine. I, however, was a bloody mess. I literally had streams of it running down my legs (totally ruining the otherwise good effect of the heels and my dark grey skirt that ended *above* the knee). I've healed a bit, but I still have those bright pink spots on both knees where the scabs have fallen off. That's a long story to get to the point that I was surprised he noticed. I know my knee was right in his face while I was in stirrups, but for some reason I didn't think he'd be looking.

It doesn't matter, though. He calls me brilliant and beautiful and I still love him.

Today I've taken my 3rd day of stims - gonal-f, repronex, more lupron. I'm not feeling anything yet in the ovary area which is nice. My probably retrieval is a week from today, and my dissertation defense is a little more than a week after that. I'm in the midst of the most important event of my life so far (MAYBE edged out by my wedding, but the wedding was a lot easier to pull together), and I'm hoping the donation won't interfere. Puffy ovaries are one thing. I'm definitely rooting against a second bout of OHSS. I'm pretty confident that won't happen, though, since it only happened on my first time (it's more common in the first cycle than in later cycles).

Wednesday is the next sonogram. I'll have all sorts of cool measurements to post then.

Ooh...and we're right at the full-term due date of the recipient of last July's retrieval. Of course, I don't know if she actually had a successful pregnancy, but I'm thinking of her. I hope she is welcoming happy, healthy baby/babies into her life.

We have lupron!

2005-03-02T11:22:00.000-08:00

I think we've passed the point of no return for donation cycle #5. Today is day 18 of my birth control and I went in for a sonogram and blood test. Everything is fine, and I have a bag of lupron IN MY HOUSE. I think this means that the recipient really is all clear and we're going to carry through with a retrieval in 20 days.

On again, off again...on again?

2005-02-22T22:56:00.000-08:00

My recipient has received the all clear. I'm scheduled to start lupron next wednesday and I have yet to hear otherwise from the clinic. I hope there are no last minute problems that arise this time. I *miss* everyone at the clinic, and I've been looking forward to the well earned day of rest that comes with retrieval ( I know, I know - it's pathetic that I only rest when I've had a retrieval).

Another delay

2005-01-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

The recipient is having another D&C, so we're postponed again, with a new tentative retrieval date of March 22. For me, the suffering is relatively limited - just another extra month with a week long migraine from these birth control pills.

I really feel for this woman, and I hope we finally get to move forward this next time.

Processes

2005-01-16T01:02:00.000-08:00

I read a few blogs (Tertia's So Close and Julie's A Little Pregnant) written by women who, until very very recently, were going through infertility treatments. Julie's in particular covers 4 or 5 years, 4 IVFs, and the resulting pregnancy that ended with the birth of Charlie after Thanksgiving. Much the same idea for Tertia who gave birth to twins just a couple weeks ago.

Their blogs have, up until now, related to mine in that they detailed processes. A blog about IVF and pregnancy is easy in a way. It's a process with fixed steps. There are lots of little goals along the way that allow you to track your progress to a defined big goal at the end (egg retrieval, egg transfer, pregnancy, birth). I wonder about their blogs now. They are both amazing writers and I'm sure the content will continue to be greatly entertaining and of high quality. At the same time, I think that there is just not as much literary quality to writing about raising a child. It's not that this is not interesting, but it's not a process in the same way. There are a million little milestones along the way, but they don't mean the same thing. "Today was Stim Day 7" tells so much more about the state of things than "Today, Ricky had his first taste of bananas". These goals just aren't as critical as the steps in IVF and pregnancy. The big goal at the end is also really vague if it exists at all. What is the goal? Raising a happy child? Perhaps, but the endpoint is really unclear, and the steps are also not well defined.

Again, I don't mean to say it is not interesting or challenging or a fascinating process to raise a child. I am, however, an intensely goal oriented person. I need my life divided into well defined goals with clear end points and definite steps that can be established along the way. Child rearing does not fit cleanly into that life paradigm for me and, from that perspective, it is a less interesting process to follow along. You can't blame this on the fact that I'm not a parent. I feel the same way about, say, marriage. I AM married and I know there are so many events that define its path and that it is an interesting and exciting and wonderful part of life. BUT, because there is not some end goal, I am less interested in following a tracking of that aspect of a person's life.

That also is why there aren't many posts here except for the ones related to the steps in my egg donation cycles. I actually do have blogs about other parts of my life and each blog is dedicated to a different process I'm going through. I suppose this isn't particularly profound, but it seemed somehow relevant to this blog.

Then again, maybe I need to go spend some time in that process of going to sleep.

Back On!

2005-01-12T07:21:00.000-08:00

The donation is back on for late February. I asked about the recipient and said that I'd heard the D&C usually used to treat endometrial polyps was pretty intense. Apparently it's considered minor, but I suppose that's relative.

Anyway, we're a go for late Feb, and I'm very happy all around.

Bad News

2005-01-10T21:55:00.000-08:00

I got a call last week and just haven't posted about it. Donation 5 has been postponed because my recipient had polyps. I need to do some more research on this, as I don't know if she will need a D&C to take care of it, or if it's something that can be done with a less drastic treatment. In any case, this means I have to remain on those crappy crappy birth control pills for another month. Hopefully we'll have a late February retrieval.

It's a go for #5

2004-12-02T18:23:00.000-08:00

When the phone rang at 9am, I knew as I lifted my sleep head that I had been picked for my 5th egg donation. Sure enough, I was picked. I'm really happy about it and I'm quite glad that I don't have to break the nice 2 month cycle I'm in.

Thanksgiving Harvest

2004-11-26T13:00:00.000-08:00

Well, ok. The Day-After-Thanksgiving harvest. This morning they harvested 15 eggs. I was worried last night because my ovaries did not feel as big as usual, but it could be that I just wasn't noticing them. Anyway, the retrieval went well this morning. I arrived home around 11 and took a 3 hour nap. I had a soy-bacon and cheese sandwich for lunch and am slowly preparing to get into some work.

Trigger Day

2004-11-24T08:26:00.000-08:00

Yep. Today I had nice big follicles, appropriate estrogen levels, and thus I got to shoot up at 9:00 for an 8am Friday retrieval. Now all I have to do is eat a light dinner tomorrow....light Thanksgiving dinner. Hm....That's some kind of joke. Maybe I could make it a RELATIVELY light thanksgiving dinner - say only a quart of mashed potatoes instead of a gallon. At least I'm a vegetarian so I don't have to worry about the turkey part.

In any case, it should make for a very happy Thanksgiving for one family.

Stim Day 7

2004-11-22T20:44:00.000-08:00

I'm getting down the lingo and details. Monday was the 7th day of stimulating medications (hence Stim Day 7). I have a couple big folicles (2 of them are 30mm), but it looks about right to trigger on day 9 (wednesday) and harvest friday.

I can definitely feel the ovaries down there. This cycle doesn't seem like as much as a process as the previous three. I don't know if I've been distracted with a lot of the busy things in my life, or if it's just becoming a part of my life now. I'm surprised at how quickly retrieval week has shown up. It should be a nice relaxing weekend with Thanksgiving, retrieval on Friday (and thus a day of sleeping and rest), and holiday decorating over the weekend.

Pokes galore

2004-11-20T07:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted for a while, but everything is progressing like it should. I've had a lot of shots since starting the lupron.

I'm on my 5th day of stimulating shots (2 Gonal-f, 1 Repronex, .05 ccs of Lupron) and so far things feel normal. I had my day 5 sonogram this morning(the first one since beginning the stims this cycle). It sounds like my ovaries are about twice their normal size, but nowhere near the pommegranite size that they will become over the next week. I'm looking at retrieval the day after Thanksgiving. Since we're just having a little 2-person celebration, all is cool, but I think many people would have trouble with the "eat a light meal the night before" directive on this particular date.

Not that the money is my concern, but the payment for this cycle will allow us to fully pay off all of our outstanding debt. After getting married owing a staggering sum between the two of us, THAT will be something to give thanks for.

Lupron for cycle 4

2004-11-06T13:42:00.000-08:00

Today I started the lupron for my 4th egg donation cycle. Everything is pretty much the same as last time. I have my big bag of drugs in the corner, sharps container up on a bookshelf. It's like permanent decoration at this point.

Whenever I'm given these goodies, I always wonder about being pulled over.

Cop:	"Ma'am, are there any drugs or needles in the car that I should know about?"
Me:	"Well, I think I have about 30 or 40 syringes and 70 or 80 needles back there, but I swear, I'm allowed to have them. I HAVE A PRESCRIPTION! HONEST!!!!"
Cop:	(Handcuffs Me)

Thankfully, my stash is now safe in the house.

Picture

2004-10-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

I think the major artifact of egg donation clinics is the big book with pictures of egg donors and the answers we put on the initial survey they had us fill out. Based on this, I have no idea why anyone has picked me, let alone FOUR families.

First, I filled out my survey at like 5am (and I was still up, not just up). It's stripped of all my usual eloquence and reads more like a poor translation of an angry Soviet woman in the 1950s.

The picture is about the same.

I have never been photogenic. I cringe looking at yearbooks and school pictures. The photos where I look dead are the good ones. In most of them I'm all scrinched up and contorted. I become horrified looking at myself. I may as well skip the picture and just put in a caption: "The Love Child of Quasi Motto and Gilbert Gottfried."

No good parent should want a child that looks like I do in my picture.

I guess the attraction of my eggs is my intelligence test where I admittedly did better than most donors in the clinic. This is apparently because I got all the math right and also was the only person to find the answer to the following test question in the allotted time:

Choose one word to fill in the blank that is synonymous with the first word and the third word:

plank _______ meals

(click here for answer)

A gift

2004-10-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

I didn't mention it up here, but I received a gift from my recipient family after the last cycle. The evening after the retrieval I got a call from the clinic saying that the family, who had come in later in the day had dropped off an REI gift card for me.

"There could be a gazillion dollars on there, for all I know," said the clinic employee who takes care of us donors (we'll call her Donor Mom).

This was kind of weird. Our clinic does have a money back policy, where recipients only pay if they get pregnant from my eggs, but there is still a non-refundable $9,500 donor cost for each cycle. And I get $5000 of that. So this family is shelling out $27,500 total, with almost $10,000 of it going to paying me and giving me the medications I need. But they thought, "Hey, I know we gave her $5K, but how about a gift card, too?!"

So they did. It turned out not to be for a gazillion dollars, but rather $50.

I was really touched by this present from my egg family. It made me feel like they were really appreciative of what I was doing, and that they knew it wasn't something I did just for the money. I think about the families all the time when I'm in the clinic. They go through so much, and I sometimes am just consumed with how much I'm hoping for them. I felt like this was a little sign that they know I care.

I used the card to buy a Swiss army knife and surfing watch on clearance.

I told Donor Mom I was glad the amount wasn't more. I would have felt tremendously guilty while my husband and I trekked around Thailand on our REI adventure vacation, decked out in high-tech waterproof gear as we awaited our REI sponsored climbing safari on Kiliminjaro.

Back where we started

2004-10-12T13:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I took the last birth control pill in the pack that followed my egg donation. That puts us right back to where the first post on the blog started. I'm going in this weekend to get my sonogram, and then start on the birth control that leads into the 4th donation cycle.

So the last series of posts were designed to be informational for people who really wanted to know step by step what is involved. I figure I can be a little more of a human with personality this time around.

So: Those of you here for some information - head back to the first post and start from there. It has all the juicy details about shots and pills and morals. The helpful yet boring stuff.

Now we'll get into the good stuff. Like when I fill up my empty syringes with extra saline and shoot it in a tiny stream at my dog...and how that's one of her all-time favorite games.

6 Days Post Retrieval: Checkup

2004-09-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

I went in to the fertility clinic today. Everything looks good. My ovaries are still pretty big, but they're behaving as they're supposed to. The yeast infection is also non-existent. I just have been getting paranoid when things feel the slightest bit weird down there.

So I continue on the birth control. This is basically it for the cycle. I will go in for a sonogram on the 3rd day of my period and that will start my 4th egg donation.

5 Days Post Retrieval: Yeast Infection?

2004-09-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned, this is my third egg donation. I developed a yeast infection after both of the previous two. That confounded me until, on this cycle, I asked the doctor. I thought it might be because of the fertility drugs and fluctuating hormones, but it turns out you also get a big shot of antibiotics when they finish the actual egg retrieval. That makes sense and also explains the yeast doing their thing. I had a false alarm earlier this month, so I'm going to wait until my followup appointment tomorrow before I do anything about it.

4 Days Post Retrieval

2004-09-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

Half a week after I completed the egg donation cycle, things seem to be going pretty well. I've lost all but one pound of the water weight I gained, and the ovaries are a lot smaller. I can still feel them when I lift heavy things (like my 90 lb dog), but if I'm just moving or sitting I don't notice them.

I go in to the fertility clinic Monday for my followup. I'm really hoping to run a half marathon next weekend, so we'll see if I can talk them into it.

2 Days Post Retrieval: About Hyperstimulation

2004-09-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) is one of those big fears of egg donors. It's very rare - my information says it happens only 1-5% of the time. Of those people who do develop it, it is much more common on the first time through the drugs than later times.

OHHS happens when you are *too* stimulated, and is basically just fluid buildup around the ovaries and (in moderate to severe cases) other places in the abdomen.

I was one of those people who developed OHHS on my first donation (it hasn't deterred me from doing 3 more). A couple days after the retrieval, I noticed that I had some pain when I laid in bed on my left side. The next day I had gained about 3 pounds and was having a little trouble breathing. If you've ever worn a corsett, you know the feeling. It's like you can't get a full breath in. That really is what's happening. Your ovaries are really big and they're surrounded by fluid that is taking up space where your lungs would expand.

That evening I called the doctor. He wasn't too worried, but told me to call if it got worse. That night I couldn't sleep on my right side or my back - I had to lay on my left side. Any other position created this sharp, stabbing pain. The following morning I had gained another 5 pounds. I went into the clinic that day for an ultrasound which showed me with mild OHSS.

Unfortunately, it got worse. After 2 more days I had gained a total of 17 pounds. That is nearly 2 GALLONS of extra fluid in my abdomen. My ultrasound at this point showed moderate OHSS with fluid up around my liver.

I was completely freaked out.

I couldn't breathe, none of my clothes fit me, and it hurt to move. I was now going into the clinic every day to be checked with ultrasound, weigh-ins, and measurements of my abdomen (I don't even want to report how many giant inches around I was). At one point I just started crying uncontrolably during an ultrasound because I felt like my body was rebelling against me and just maybe I might die. That was quite an overreaction, but I'm used to my body doing what I want it to.

There is no pill or shot they can give to fix this. The best advice is to eat protein and salt that will help draw out the fluid.They recommend V-8 which makes me gag, so I started mixing tablespoons of salt with gatorade, followed by a pure gatorade chaser. That is nasty. I became a salt monster, reading sodium content on nutrition labels, and obsessing for 3 days until I discovered the soy sauce. That stuff has MASSIVE amounts of sodium, so we went out to PF Changs. I had crispy tofu and rice with like half a bottle of soy sauce. The next morning I lost 3 pounds, and was going to the bathroom constantly. Over the next 3 or 4 days I lost all of the 17 pounds I had gained.

The clinic was amazingly supportive. Over the 2 weeks from retrieval to back-to-normal, I was in there almost every day. It was definitely scary, but even while it was happening I knew I would donate again. In a weird sort of way I thought of it as a mini medical adventure.

So, to sumarize: It probably won't happen. If it does happen, it will probably only happen your first time. And if it DOES happen, get some soy sauce. Kikoman is your friend.

1 Day Post Retrieval: Recovery

2004-09-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

The ovaries are a bit sore today. This morning I was about 4 lbs heavier than usual, which is normal for me at this point. They pumped a lot of fluid into me yesterday and combined with the water retained, it accounts for those few pounds. I've been in the bathroom a lot today, getting rid of a lot of that fluid, and this is apparently quite normal. There is some discomfort, crampy type feeling when I move in a certain way, and when I stand up or sit down. I'm not really bothered by it, but I'm glad I got to just stay home and work today.

Retrieval Day

2004-09-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

Today was the day!

My husband and I got up at 5:45 to get dressed and to the clinic by 7:00. I just went in my PJs, though, since comfort is important on this day.

We got there, settled into the prep room. I got into the ultra fashionable hospital gown, footies, and shower cap thing. The anesthesiologist came in, had a talk with me about allergies, and thoroughly explained the process. He started an IV and saline drip.

About 15 minutes later they brought me into the operating room. The setup is sort of like you would normally have for the sonogram. Your feet go into stirrups, but from the feet to the mid-thigh there is padded nylon fabric that wraps all the way around each leg and velcros into place. This keeps you from falling off or twitching.

They got me strapped in, put a nice warm blanket on me, and started the anesthetic. I went out right away, and woke up as soon as they finished. Apparently, I complained of some cramping before I was really awake (I don't remember this) and they gave me a little extra pain medication through the IV. I remember thinking that they hadn't started the retrieval yet and I was worried that I was awake. When they told me they finished I asked (like I always do) how many eggs they got. This time they retrieved 16, which is pretty good. The average is about 12.

They moved me over onto a recovery bed and into the recovery room where I got to sleep for a while. One of the nurses gave me a can of ginger ale. I don't usually drink ginger ale, but it's SO good after 8 hours of nothing to drink and a retrieval. After a little time, another person from the clinic came in and gave me the birth control pills that I have to start today and the payment for the retrieval.

I have to say that I always feel ridiculous taking a check after the procedure. As a poor student saving for a house, it comes in very handy. However, that is not at all why I do this, and if it suddenly happened that they did not pay for the egg retrieval, I would keep doing it without a moment's hesitation.

My husband drove me home and I slept in the car and for about 4 hours once I flopped into bed. When I woke up I felt pretty good. I ate a couple sandwiches - I was starving after not eating for like 14 hours. My ovaries were a little sore, but not really much worse than they've been for the last couple days. It wasn't bad enough to keep me down. I actually went to campus and met with some people this afternoon. I'm not sure that was the best idea. I felt really tired when I got home, and not quite up to being there today. I got home, made dinner, and have basically laid around on the couch all night. I'm looking forward to bed.

Some people have spotting after the retrieval. I've noticed a little blood when I use the bathroom, but haven't had any spotting. My ovaries are definitely sore now, but it's not bad. I haven't felt the need to even take ibuprofen or aspirin or anything today.

So that's pretty much it for this cycle. I go in next week for a follow-up sonogram and then get my schedule for the next cycle. I have already been picked for my 4th egg donation and that should happen around Thanksgiving time. No fear, though. There will be more posts here on hyperstimulation, and also on the post-retrieval recovery process.

Retrieval Eve

2004-09-20T21:02:00.000-07:00

Today is the day before the retrieval. It's a nice break from the sonograms, shots, and blood work. My ovaries are huge, and a little sore. I'm looking forward to the retrieval tomorrow morning.

Here are some general things to know. There is standard surgery protocol to follow: no eating or drinking after midnight or in the morning. My doctor also says no ibuprofen until after the retrieval.

Tomorrow I'll focus on whe actual process you'll be awake for. But while you're asleep, the good stuff happens.

The Egg Donation Proecdure

Of course I don't remember all of this, but the basic process involves taking the sonogram transducer wand with a needle attachment. The wand is inserted like normal, and the needle is extended. It pierces the wall of your vagina, goes through the abdominal cavity (hopefully not hitting anything along the way), and then into the ovary. It then basically sucks up each egg. They do this on the right side and left side.

I, for one, am VERY glad I can't feel that.

I found this picture. It's a little fuzzy, but you can see the needle attached to the top of the transducer (taken from University of Iowa Healthcare Center).

Last Shot: Triggering shot before retrieval

2004-09-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

Today I went in for the same sonogram and blood work. My follicles are big enough and hormone levels right to trigger the retrieval. I found this sonogram picture at the Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago which shows about how my ovaries look now. The black spots are follicles, and the one with the markings is mature.

This is the time sensitive part of the egg donation. This last shot - different from the ones over the past week - has to be taken *exactly* 35 hours before the retrieval. That means I will take mine tonight at precisely 8:30 and have the retrieval at 7:30 Tuesday morning.

Unlike the other shots, This one has caused me some discomfort on my last two retrievals. The injection site gets VERY sore, and I've found that I couldn't stand to have anything touching it for about 3 days. On the first cycle, where I had Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS), it was sore for about a week, and bothered me almost as much as the other OHSS symptoms. When you take this shot, my advice is to put it somewhere that the waistband of your clothes won't touch it. That will save you some aggravation.

At this point, my ovaries are really big. I can feel them all the time, and when I go to the bathroom or move in a weird way, I can feel them readjusting themselves in there. This will last for a bit past the retrieval.

Overall, though, I'm excited. I really enjoy this part of the process. I'm an anonymous donor, so I never get to know anything about what happens with my eggs. However, I bring a congratulations card with me for my recipient family and write them a little note signed "Your Donor" at each retrieval. One of the people at the clinic keeps the card and gives it to them if they have a successful pregnancy. I feel so happy for the families who have kids this way, and the card makes me feel like I can share my enthusiasm at their success, even if I can't know about it.

Stimulating Shots: Day 8

2004-09-18T18:52:00.000-07:00

My ovaries are quite big now. I feel them in there any time I move, and I can tell they're there even when I'm just sitting down. Today's sonogram and blood work were good, and it looks like tomorrow will be the last day. Tonight I will take another stimulating shot and tomorrow looks like it will be the day I take the big final shot. I've gained maybe 3 lbs of water weight, which is typical for me at this point.

Stimulating Shots: Day 7

2004-09-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

Sonogram and bloodwork today were fine. I can definitely feel my ovaries now. It's sort of like moderate cramps, but not really painful. Whenever I move, though, I can feel them in there. Today starts the daily trips into the office until we are ready for retrieval.

Stimulating Shots: Day 5

2004-09-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

I went in for my sonogram and blood work today. The shots are going fine (though I was pretty irritated trying to stick myself last night). Sonogram looked good, and the blood tests show that I should keep going with my same level of stimulating medication until the next check 2 days from now. Tonight's shot was easy and I really didn't feel it. I am starting to feel my ovaries a bit but only when I twist around a lot.

Stimulating Shots Day 2: Last great workout

2004-09-12T20:49:00.000-07:00

My first stimulating shot was last night. This morning, I ran a half marathon - my last long run until after the egg retrieval. Like I wrote yesterday, the ovaries are going to start getting big and workouts will present the danger of the ovaries twisting. Tonight's shot was about the same as last night.

Stimulating Shots: Day 1

2004-09-11T20:40:00.000-07:00

Stimulating shots start today. I find that doing these is a lot like a cooking segment on one of those awful morning shows. You need to get all of your equipment and ingredients together first.

I'm not sure if all clinics use the same procedure. My shot includes lupron and sterile water mixed with three vials of powdered drugs. That's a total of 5 vials plus 2 needles (a long one for mixing and a short one for injecting).

So here's my process. Get all 5 vials, remove the caps. Open the syringe (which comes with the short needle) and the long needle. Get two alcohol wipes and open one. Remove the small needle from the syringe and put it somewhere that it won't roll away. Put the long needle on the syringe. Wipe the lupron and the water vials with the alcohol. Draw up the lupron you need, and then the rest of the water (I do .05cc and .45cc respectively). With the three vials of powder, wipe the top and inject the liquid gently to prevent bubbles. Swish it just a little bit and then draw every tiny drop back up. The needles are cut at an angle, so if you spin the needle you can find the opening. I find it's easiest to put the needle all the way into the bottom, press this opening along the side, and tilt the vial so you can get all of the contents that way. Once you've got everything, set this vial aside and move to the next one.

After you've done all three vials, tap the syringe to get all the air up to the top, and push it out. There's no need to tap the air out in between vials because you're just going to inject it into the next vial, not into yourself. The amount of liquid in the syringe should exactly match how much you started with (.5cc in my case). If it's too low, that means you probably have a tiny bit left in one of the vials that started with powder. Go back and make sure you have it all. Once you're done, put on the short needle.

Use the second wipe to clean a spot to inject and inject it. I find that these shots are less comfortable than the lupron there's more there and the liquid itself burns a tiny bit for me. I find that for about 10 minutes after injecting the area around it itches and is a bit red, but that goes away quickly (unlike the final shot - more on that next week when I take it).

Now, you can clean up. Throw away all your vials, wipes, and sharps. I tend to just put everything in my sharps container because I don't like to leave it in the trash.

This is where your ovaries will start getting bigger. These drugs stimulate follicle production. After a few days, you'll start feeling them. It's not really uncomfortable, just like you know they're there.

Lupron Shots Day 10: Pre-stimulating Sonogram

2004-09-10T19:53:00.000-07:00

Today, I went in for my sonogram and blood work that immediately preceed the stimulating drugs. I start those tomorrow. There will be a long post then about the far more complicated mixing process that goes along with it. This also starts the series of frequent trips to the fertility clinic for folicle counts and lots of blood tests.

Everything was fine today, though, and all is progressing normally.

Lupron Shots Day 8: A little disappointment

2004-09-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

The lupron shots continue. A slight disappointment today, though. There's a half marathon in Philadelphia that I really want to run, but it's 3 days before my scheduled egg retrieval data. Exercising at that point is a big no-no because your swolen ovaries can twist and cause serious problems. So no half marathon for me. Oh, well. I have one planned for 3 weeks after the retrieval which should go fine.

Lupron Shots Day 7: Shots Continue

2004-09-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

I realized that I never mentioned that once you start the Lupron shots, you will take one every day. I haven't been blogging the "I took the shot again" each day, but I have indeed been taking them. I find it's best to take them in the evening because the final important shot - the one you take a day and a half before the actual egg donation - will have to come in the evening.

Lupron Shots Day 4, Last Birth Control Pill

2004-09-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

Today I took the last birth control pill of this cycle and continued with the Lupron shots. All is going fine, though I had a sort of irritating time sticking myself today. It took me a couple tries to find a good spot.

Lupron Shots: Day 1 (Birth Control Pills Day 18)

2004-09-01T04:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight was my first shot of this egg donation cycle. From what I can tell from my own discussions with people, the one of the biggest deterrents to becoming an egg donor is having to administer shots.

In reality, the needles are very small, and it's not bad at all. These shots are FAR less painful than having a blood draw. Some people believe that you should pinch around your stomach and then stick yourself there. My husband is a paramedic and he gave me a shot once. He stuck that thing in me like a dart and it HURT. I find that after you draw up the contents, just start by pushing the needle slowly against your skin. If it's in a good spot, it won't hurt at all. The needle will just go in, and then you administer the shot. If it starts to hurt, you can just reposition the shot and try again. During my first donation, I had a lot of sore places from shots until I figured out this method.

Other than that, there's not much to it. It sometimes get itchy for a few minutes after the injection, and sometimes the spot is a bit sore, but it's not bad.

Lupron is a hormone suppressant, so you won't see any weight gain or swelling of the ovaries while you're on these shots alone. That means you can keep exercising and doing things like normal. Once you start stimulants, things get trickier. I'm marathon training during this cycle, so I'll post more about exercise and shots when I get to that point.

You will take these shots every day now until 2 days prior to the retrieval (about 20 days from now)

Pre-lupron Sonogram

2004-08-30T03:58:00.000-07:00

Today, I received the sonogram necessary before starting lupron. I got it a couple days early since I am going to Ireland and will be there on day 18 when I start taking the shots. The sonogram was fine and I got my box with the vial of lupron, syringes, and alcohol wipes.

Sonograms

I didn't really describe this process before. You'll get a lot of sonograms as part of the egg donation cycle. The process is pretty simple. You are positioned the same way you would be for a pelvic exam. The doctor will have a wand connected to a computer with a monitor. The wand is about 12" long and very thin - only about an inch on the skinny part. At the top is a bulb. The bulb extends from the top of the wand about 2" down. It has the diameter of about an inch, and it's rounded. In a sense, it looks kind of like a big capsule. At the bottom of the wand is a cable/wire that connects is back to the computer.

The bulb of the wand is covered with a gel, and a latex covering goes over that. I'm pretty sure this is just an unlubricated condom, but it may have a more medical friendly euphemism as a name. The doctor will put some gel on the bulb on top of this, and the bulb part is inserted into your vagina. The doctor moves the wand around and, basically, can see what the bulb is pointing at. It is not really uncomfortable. There is occasionally a little pressure, but that's it. As a frame of reference, it is nothing like a pap smear - the sonogram is orders of magnitude more comfortable.

The doctor will usually look at the uterus and ovaries, take measurements, and print some pictures. The whole thing only takes a couple minutes. By this point in the cycle, you will have had a couple sonograms already.

First pill of the donation cycle

2004-08-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight I take my first pill to start the donation cycle. I've always taken my birth control at night, but if you're a morning person you might consider taking them at night for donation. You'll be doing your injections in the evening when that time comes around and it's easier to put it all together.

If this is your first donation cycle, you may be going in for a sonogram. Usually, on day 2 or 3 of your period you go in for the sonogram. They check to make sure you don't have any cysts and (I think) do a follicle count. Since this is my third donation, I guess I didn't need one this time.

In any case, nothing special happens for a while. You'll be taking the birth contol pills just like normal until day 18 when the injections start.

A note about ovarian cysts

2004-08-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

When I went in for my first sonograms, I had one ovarian cyst in each ovary. This sort of freaked me out, but it turned out not to be a big deal. Cysts are relatively common. When the eggs develop, the follicles that are produced usually detach. If they don't, they become a cyst. Cysts are just large follicles that are left over, and they usually are just reabsorbed into your system. Most of the time, you don't know if they're there and they don't do anything. The scary stories about cysts involve the rare cases where they get very big, don't reabsorb, and start causing some abdominal pain.

You will be checked for cysts in this process because you can't start a donation cycle or the medications with a cyst. However, if you have one, don't worry. Mine were quickly fixed with a month of stronger birth control pills.

Last Pill and Egg Donation Basics

2004-08-09T13:13:00.000-07:00

Basics

So today is the last birth control pill that I took as a follow-up to my previous cycle. I'm starting this, my third one, right after the second.

The basic process, in case you haven't read it somewhere else, is to start the birth control pills. On day 18 of the pills, start injections of a hormone suppressor, and then move on to stimulating medications about a week before the donation.

Usually, you will go in for a sonogram during the 2nd or 3rd day of your period before beginning the process. That will probably be over the weekend for me. Once I have my sonogram, I'll detail that whole process here.

Basically, though, this first part is just normal life. Take the birth control every day, make sure you don't miss a dose, and take it at about the same time every day.

Extras and Morals

If this is your first donation, there may be other things you have to do at this point. I had a genetic screening over the phone, a big set of blood work to test for genetic problems (about 12 vials of blood - this wasn't a big deal and didn't hurt), and a visit with a social worker to make sure you don't have any moral or personal issues that might cause you distress with this process.

I don't want any kids of my own, so I may have a different perspective than others. My personal thoughts are that the egg donation is akin to something like bone marrow donation (though I've never done one of those). It's more of a process than blood donation, there's a bit of discomfort associated (less with eggs than marrow from what I head), but in the end you're helping a family. A family who is willing to go through the intense process of having an egg donor is really, in a sense, pre-screened as an ideal family. They really want the child, they are willing to focus their lives around having the child, and I think it is so rewarding to participate in that process.

Generally, you won't meet your family or know if your donation leads to a pregnancy. If you're thinking about donating, you should really be ok with that. If you think of it as a child of yours potentially running around, this is probably not a good idea for you.